Eight unwritten rules that explain how Sweden works

While complying with the laws is a must in Sweden, for anyone who truly wants to ‘get’ Swedes, they’ll need to understand these unwritten rules. 

Anyone who has moved to a different country - or who has even holidayed somewhere for an extended period - will be confronted with “unwritten rules”. 

These rules are sometimes more important to the locals than actual laws or regulations, but will often be difficult or impossible to discern. 

In fact, you’ll probably never really feel as if you fit in until you are not only aware of these rules, but comply with them without even thinking about it. 

Here are eight unwritten rules that explain how Sweden ticks. 

No small talk

Swedes are famously hard to make friends with, and this might be one of the reasons why. Swedes hate small talk. So much so, that small talk is referred to as kallprat (cold talk) or even dödprat (dead talk) in Swedish.

You may be tempted to strike up a conversation with your new neighbours if you've recently moved to a new apartment. Don't. Anything more than a simple "hej hej" when passing in the stairwell will cause them to avoid you for the foreseeable future.

Wondering how you can make friends in Sweden if you can't count on small talk? Try joining an activity such as a sports club or music association. Swedes love organised activities, and are much more likely to open up if there's a clear common interest from the start.

Respect personal space

This is actually one of the reasons behind Swedish silence and hatred of small talk. Not talking to strangers is seen as polite in Sweden, as you are letting people retain their right to privacy and respecting their personal space.

Those who have been in Sweden since before Covid will know that Swedes had no problems with social distancing when it was brought in as a measure to stave off the spread of the Coronavirus: they've been doing it intuitively for centuries. It's probably a good idea to keep staying two meters apart from the next person in the queue at Ica, unless you're trying to scare them off.

One exception to this rule is hugs. Usually - particularly younger Swedes - will greet someone they've previously met with a hug, rather than a wave or a handshake as is the case in other cultures. Best to avoid a kiss though, either on the cheek or otherwise: these are usually only reserved for romantic partners.

First out, then in

While we're on the topic of public transport...

This is a rule held so dearly by the Swedes that it will boggle their mind if you ask them to explain it to you.

But that’s probably because it makes complete sense to Swedes.

When waiting for a train or an elevator, wait for those on the train/elevator to get off or out before you try and get in.

The same applies for restaurants, rooms and in toilet cubicles.

Breaking this rule is a major faux pas and risks extreme consequences such as disapproving looks or quiet tuts from those nearby.

Drop the ‘pop in’

It’s perhaps no surprise that a country which prioritises planning does not like surprises, no matter how small they are. 

While a surprise ‘pop in’ visit might be a nice way to remind your friends that they are on your mind, in Sweden it will not be welcomed. 

If you want to show you care, schedule an appointment with your friend in advance, to give them enough time to prepare for your visit.

Call in sick

This one might have finally been driven home elsewhere due to the coronavirus pandemic, but a rule held in high esteem in Sweden is staying home if you feel even slightly ill (which is not to say you never see colleagues with a slightly runny nose).

In English-speaking countries, studies have shown that workers believe there is an expectation to “suck it up” and push through their illness to come to work.

Workers have said they fear they'll be deemed to be "pulling a sickie", even when they're genuinely sick. 

In Sweden "sucking it up" and pushing through the symptoms will be seen as irresponsible, both for your own health and for the health of others.

Don't show off - or if you do, show off in the right way

Swedes are not particularly 'showy'. Big brand names on clothes or wearing a lot of bling isn't a big thing here, but that doesn't mean that Swedes don't like to display their wealth, they just do it differently.

Instead of wearing flashy designer clothing or lots of jewellery, Swedish displays of wealth are usually done more quietly, such as by owning a nice car or a nice house.

It's a careful balance, though: doing the school run in a Ferrari would be 'too much', but a new BMW, Volvo or Audi would just signify that you're pretty well-off.

Similarly, houses should be clean and respectable - hedges should be clipped, fences freshly painted and inside, everything should be minimalist Scandinavian chic with white walls, mysig lighting and wooden flooring.

This balance is reflected in the aspirational phrase Villa, Volvo, Vovve (detached house, Volvo car, pet dog) which is also the name of The Local's word guide to Swedish life. 

Don't be late, but don't be too early either

Swedes value punctuality and many would consider it incredibly rude if you turn up late to an appointment. Try to arrive as close to the scheduled time as possible, or even five minutes early - not too early though, or they may feel ambushed, especially if you're turning up to their house.

Similarly, if you can’t make it to a reservation at a restaurant, be sure to call and cancel. If you don’t, they’re likely to remember the fact they held the table for an hour under your name and lost business. 

And if you can make it but you’ll be late, then call to let them know. Most places have a policy of giving away a table after 15 minutes if the place is busy. 

On that note, just try and be punctual all the time. And if you are late, even if it’s just five minutes, let the person know - as soon as you know you're going to be late.

Eat as much sugar as you want - but only on Saturdays

Swedes love sweets. With the average family of two adults and two children eating 1.2 kilos of sweets per week, on average, Sweden regularly tops the charts of the biggest sweet-eaters worldwide.

That doesn't mean you can tuck in whenever you want, though. Sweets - along with other unhealthy foods - are reserved for eating on weekends, with tacos on Fridays and lördagsgodis (Saturday sweets) on Saturdays.

Wondering why Sweden only allows sweets on Saturdays? Our word of the day on lördagsgodis explains the grim background behind this weekend treat.

Swedish fika - coffee and cake - is one exception to this rule. Fika is permitted on weekdays, but usually only in the mid-morning around 10am or in the early afternoon around 3pm - so you don't spoil your appetite for the next meal.